My Father and My Peace

As of late I have been neglecting my blog. I have a set goal of two posts a week, varying in content and theme. My thoughts were to gain a rhythm of writing and posting about the shop, design and gardening to create a connection of France and my aesthetic. This is still my pursuit but my postings have been slow, as of late. I have been busy and distracted by my father's recent health issues and it has been hard to "pull away".

My father is on the mend but he has spent the past 4 weeks in the hospital. Weeks ago he had a routine back surgery for pain which he has suffered from for years. He was discharged the day after but had to return to the hospital bed 5 days later for a complication. As the days progressed events become more and more complicated until he was literally at deaths door over 3 weeks ago. He is now in recovery but it will take him time, a lot of time, to fully recover. His doctor predicts a good 6-8 weeks before he will be able to go home and hopefully live the same life he did before the complications.

dad, aidan and me, circa 1985

As my sister and I have been caring for him with phone calls, visits and tearful conversations, the same picture and day with my dad keeps popping into my mind. It is the one pictured above, why this moment is engraved in my memory, I am not sure. I don't even remember it being an eventful day. I am sure the adults of that time might be able to say, but I cannot recall. But this image sits there, in my mind as I "see" to my father. 


At times, I am quite surprised of the grief I feel for my father's current weakness. My parents have not been together since I was a very young child. My sister and I both had visits with him throughout the years and for holidays and at one point in high school I lived with him. He was not a disciplinarian type parent and I probably had more freedom then I should have. But he changed his life for me and never once complained. In many ways I am like my father, the eyebrows, for better or worse and his eye for color and photography. After all, I have him to thank for at least 50% of myself! And thank him I do. I love you dad, now please get well!

little G and my father 2007

The events of the past few weeks has put many things in a different perspective.  It is a funny place to sit, caring for a parent. As you are forced to make very adult decisions and have very serious conversations, the child you once were is still there, in your heart, believing and daydreaming it will all turn out fine in the end. It just has to! 
But, age and time is quite real, isn't it?